That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
