my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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