at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
