Quick, to the slutcave!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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