My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
