I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize