rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
