so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
