Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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