what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
