and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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