i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
