Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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