bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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