i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
