I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
