I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
