He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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