Well douche your snatch and let's go!
one two three fourrrrnication!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
