my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
