Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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