She's JV to your varsity
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
