There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
