Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
