im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize