Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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