First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
