Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
