I wanna bring you to show and tell
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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