Your face is a jimmy john
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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