Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Vodka?
Forever.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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