I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
