It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
