Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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