Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
