Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
