glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
