Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
