Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
