i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
