I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
