I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
and you fell through a lawn chair
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
