I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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