I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
