so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
even my farts smell like vagina
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
