did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
