i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
