I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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