mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
