i jhust puked up my retainher.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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