remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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