Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
