Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
only if we run a train.
done.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
