I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize