Porn is love you can see.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Randomize
