fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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