It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
