If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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