I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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