I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
