My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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