Umm I'm too high to move.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
