nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
