Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
