me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
