Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You're earring is so big in my mouth
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Let's paint friendship bongs
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
