Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Randomize
