Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
