It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
