You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
