He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
