found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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