I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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