i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
