On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
