I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I need to sanitize my soul.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
