doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
