I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
