a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Blow job season was short but glorious.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
