remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
