Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize