So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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