dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
