I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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