Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
