This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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