i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize