if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
