I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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