pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
