my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
