11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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