well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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