I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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