my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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