Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize