Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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