stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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