Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
