All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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