I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize