We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
