This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
