a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
